There is so much pain in the world. So many short sighted people who can’t see past whats in front of their eyes. I am too fucking sensitive. I let peoples actions and words hurt me when I should just be cold as fuck to most people. I keep having more fun in my dreams than I do in my normal life, so recently I have been sleeping alot. Wow, thats sad. If I lived in America, they would say I have issues.
“Its a cold world better bring a fuckin bomber jacket”
In the unemployment lines I’ve felt it. Growing like a cancer in this lifeless place. In their saddened eyes you can see the traces, the ghosts of hope on tired faces. Yeah man I feel it too, whats left of me and you? Just to know you’ll never be the same, without that dope runnin through your veins.
And man I feel my brothers pain, the world has him in twisted chains. No chance to raise a family. Inherent evil in humanity. I feel it in my bones. I think theyre smoking out this city, because the governments fucked and the banks are corrupt and that poor mans life just aint worth livin. But our poor mens lives we’ll keep on livin.
The world it speaks to me in tongues that I don’t understand. Why have I been seeing death in the faces of my friends. Brick by brick, I’m tearing it down. The room we used to sleep in. The family that loved you. That day we spent beside the pier. I will live alone and smoke the memory of you away. You’ve been gone 3 years. I can’t breathe without you here.
I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to see your face at my front door. At 2am in the pouring rain, whispering life just ain’t the same. Life just ain’t the same.
Its been almost two months since I updated this motherfucker. I never really write regular updates anyway I always just scrawl a couple of lyrics down every so often but I guess its time for a proper one. Work is slow these days I guess because of the recession so I’ve been sitting around trying to keep myself busy but failing miserably. My Dad called me up at the end of January and told me he bought me a 300 Euro car for my birthday but its almost 2 months later and I haven’t seen shit. So I guess that ain’t comin.
I am feeling kinda lonely these days. I feel very isolated where I live. I miss my friends in Vancouver alot. My buddy Josh called me to tell me he is going back to Vancouver next week after leaving the same time as me to go home to Australia. He got a job on the set of Twilight part 2 or some shit. Lucky bastard. One thing that has been good about being home is I have been able to form a really good friendship with my man Lee Brown. Dude is the best of the best. We’ve been hanging on the regular whenever I can get him to crawl out of that Bawn Og ghetto. What a shithole he lives in.
Focussing on the positives for a second, Frustration is going really well. We have a couple of dates coming up in the UK with Dirty Money, Reign Supreme, 50 Lions, Ritual, Brutality Will Prevail and a couple of other deadly bands so that is good. Also we have an English lable looking to put out a 7″ for us. More to come on that shit later.
Myself and Lee Brown have decided to start up a clothing company. There is a serious gap in the market for that shit here. Our first design is coming back next week. Mike Shantz from Drop Dead hooked us up and hopefully itll look good. Cold Life Clothing dropping real soon. Look out for it. Before you know it me and Brownlove will be getting paid to smoke weed all day and think of ideas for shirts.
My dog Snoopy is 13 this year. Half Shitzu (thats definitely not how you spell it) and half Cairn Terrier, half deaf and half blind, half ewok and half canine. I’ve been spending alot of time with that motherfucker seem as hes on his serious last legs. When he dies I’m going to put him on a dingy and send him down the Royal Canal on fire, Viking style.
Been hanging with my Mom a good bit too. She makes my life worth living. My best friend and the strongest woman I know. In terms of escapism I’ve been watching The Wire loads and listening to lots of music. Lots of Hip Hop. Honourable mentions go to Gucci Man, Plies and Young Jeezy for going into serious detail about drug dealing. Love that shit. Also Crowbar, lots of Crowbar. Best band ever. In terms of local hardcore there is some serious shit coming out. The Blinds EP is so good, New Famine album is dropping soon. Find A Ways new recordings are amazing. Looking forward to first shows from Forced out and The Blind. Also check out Bacchus from Galway.
This dude I used to hang around with in school commited suicide last saturday. Hadn’t spoken with him in 3 or 4 years. It pissed me off that people were calling him selfish for doing it. My stance on this has never changed, the world is a shit, fucked up place and if you can’t take it. I don’t blame you. Its just sad to lose a friend thats all. RIP Donal AKA Gobbles. You were always a buzzer.
Friendships are strange things. Sometimes you think you know someone so well and then enough time and silence can pass until it seems like they are complete strangers again. As I’m getting older I’m realising how short life actually is and so much of the shit that people think matters actually doesn’t. In the end all that really matters is friendship and memory. I try to be a good person, more than I used to anyway. Sometimes I fall short but I guess everyone does. I am still searching for something that I cannot seem to put my finger on but I guess I’ll always be searching. Seekers of the truth. I just got that tattoo’d on me. Its an old DFR tattoo and all those dudes got it years ago but it speaks to me in the present. I miss DFR. I miss the shows and the partys. I miss feeling like no one could hurt me emotionally or physically. Even if it was all in my head. I’ve been hurt alot in the last few weeks. Mostly no ones fault but my own for trusting the wrong people. Either way I’ll leave all that for a different day. I don’t wanna pull a Wicked Owl.
Watch out for those FEMA motherfuckers.
Peace
Born into a world of pain where they cover up the roses so they all look the same. Couldn’t give a heartless fuck if I live or die, so I look hopelessly to the sky for a reason why.
It’s been haunting me for years. The truth hiding behind every door. Behind every wall theres a clue. Howling at the silent moon. Shouting only brings the mob to my door, disgracing me for questioning. So I whisper to myself; Is there anyone who feels like me, feels like their distractions are not enough to bring you to your knees. I am a lost soul on a ship towards anywhere but eternity, anywhere but what you call sanity and anywhere but bended knee. How can you walk through life like you do? Without second guessing and shallow breathing. So I’m alone in a in a death parade singing “If you don’t open your eyes my friend, then the sun will never rise my friend”. Just don’t open them too far because you’ll end up dead like all the rest. Suicide souls stuck outside in the Irish cold, and they’ll call you lazy and selfish for breaking the mould.
I swear I can’t stand this place
And whats becoming of me
The longer I have to stay.
I don’t want to be saved. I don’t want to be sane. My fear of faith is wrong. Hell knows I am not strong. Watch me waste away in time, under overcast January skies. Drink it up and suck the light from my eyes and the love from my soul. Tell me who can I blame for the hands I’ve been dealt? Who can I blame for the lonely man that I’ve become? Making deals with the Devil to insult a man made God. Drifting out to sea in each and every dream. I swear this isn’t what life seemed like it would be when I was a child. Is this even fucking real? I look at pictures of my six year old self, before the world stole the gleam from my eyes and the warmth from my heart. Childhood torn apart. They say the sea, it has no memory. Atlantic blue, like me and you. They say the sea, it has no memory. I pray to your God that his sea will swallow me whole, body and soul, no more cold, and no more will I be alone.
Rain falls. I drown my sorrows for another week. It kills the love I used to have inside of me. It pisses on my hopes and dreams. When I feel like theres nothing left I think about the time we spent. Five brothers looking out over a city. Tears in our eyes as we tried to talk about our lives. How we never stood a chance in a world that lied. Broken homes and broken souls, never wanting to grow old. I ain’t no religious kid but I thank something every day, for bringing your family into my life and the hardest thing I ever had to do, was to say goodbye.
Rain City is coming alive tonight.
From COQ to the downtown eastside.
At least it was in my dream last night.
And I’m missin’ my home.
Seven thousand miles away I’m helpless. Tears in her eyes. Anger rises up inside. Her innocence is lost forever. She’ll never be the same and I’ve only you to blame. Shes just a kid you motherfucker. You’re fucking dead already.